


Nagron on the Maury Show

by betterrecieved



Category: Spartacus: War of the Damned
Genre: M/M, crackfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-14
Updated: 2013-03-14
Packaged: 2017-12-05 07:09:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/720258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/betterrecieved/pseuds/betterrecieved
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nasir is determined to prove he is faithful to Agron so he calls up the Maury Povich show to take a lie detector test.  Find out the shocking results after this commercial break! </p><p>Unbeta'd, so pardon any mistakes!</p><p>Concrit always welcome!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nagron on the Maury Show

Maury: Welcome back to the Maury show! Today we meet Nasir, who is here to prove to his beloved gladiator Agron that he is _not_ cheating.

Colosseum Audience: Polite applause.

Nasir (rolling neck and sucking teeth): Murry, my heart grows heavy with sadness at Agron’s continued accusations.

Maury: Now, Nasir, you told our producers that when you come home from working the rebellion Agron sniffs your subligar to make sure you don’t have another man’s scent on you.

Colosseum Audience: Angry booing.

Nasir: Yes, Murry! And I stand sickened by indignities endured for far too long! I must restore good name this day!

Colosseum Audience: Uproarious applause.

Maury: Well, Nasir, what exactly made Agron suspect you of cheating?

Nasir: Well, Murry… Agron stands threatened by newly encountered Cilician’s smoothness with common tongue. Despite having assured Agron of my preference for men born East of the Rhine, he yet remains suspicious and would lay attempt to hide my eyeliner.

Colosseum Audience: Boo!

Maury: Well let’s see what Agron has to say for himself!

Colosseum Audience: Enthusiastic booing.

Cut to Agron on the screen behind Maury and Nasir.

Agron (posing butchly with one foot propped up on a pile of Roman corpses): Murry, he stands liar and harlot!

Colosseum Audience: Scandalized booing.

Agron: Nasir was discovered twice now in company of cursed Cilician, in second instance despite promises made to avoid handsome usurper! Rumors of Nasir’s wanton ways persist around rebel camp!

Nasir (yelling at screen): Rumors born of nothing save your own loud and unfounded accusations!

Agron: Save breath, unfaithful honey-tongued liar of a Syrian! Lie detector shall prove you false once and for all!

Nasir (aside, to Maury): He only calls me Syrian when he knows he’s wrong.

Agron: Still traitorous tongue!

Nasir: When test proves me loyal, I expect apologies numerous and heartfelt!

Maury: Well, Nasir and Agron, after the break we’re going to find out the truth once and for all!

(Message from local ludus. Online gladiator school ad featuring stock footage of Gannicus flipping his hair. Chariot commercial. Orgy-mask ad.)

Maury (waves a manila envelope as he speaks) : Welcome back to the show. Today we’re going to find out if Nasir has been cheating on his lumbering green-eyed monster of a German with the silver-tongued Cilician!

Colosseum Audience: Excited applause.

Nasir (bouncing in his seat and pushing away the empty chair to his left): Summon Agron to stage at once, Murry! I would have words with him!

Maury: All right! Everyone, welcome Agron to the stage!

(Agron enters from stairs at Nasir’s left)

Nasir: Be seated far from me!

Colosseum Audience: Aggressive booing.

Agron (pulls empty chair defiantly close to Nasir and seats himself ): Still tongues or see heads separated from bodies, Roman filth!

Maury (waves a hand to call for silence from audience): Now, now, let’s calm down. Now, Agron, are you going to apologize to Nasir if this lie detector test proves that he isn’t cheating on you?

Agron: I do not commit myself to any apologies, as there is much evidence of Nasir’s guilt.

Nasir: I gave you best year of my life! Make haste in unsheathing results, Murry!

Maury (opening manila envelope and slowly removing scroll): Our polygraph expert asked Nasir if he became uncontrollably aroused when Cilician grabbed his arm and spoke to him longingly of the sea. Nasir said no. The lie detector test determined…

Colosseum Audience: Leans forward in anticipation.

Maury: He was telling the truth!

Colosseum Audience: Smug applause.

Nasir: Continue reading results, Murry!

Agron (looks somewhat chastened): Cilician had not yet charmed way into Nasir’s subligar! Ask next question and see suspicion confirmed!

Colosseum Audience: Disbelieving boos.

Maury: Our polygraph expert asked Nasir if he loved Agron above all men, wanting only to remain held in Agron’s heart and arms for as long as fragile eternity they have been afforded together may last, fighting beside one another on field of battle, forging ever-deepening bond of mutual respect and unshakable love. Nasir said yes. The lie detector test determined…He was telling the truth.

Colosseum Audience: Stomping and hooting applause.

Nasir: Read on Murry!

Agron (Swallows audibly. Turns strange beet-like color.): …

Maury: And finally, our polygraph expert asked Nasir if he had ever lain panting in Cilician’s muscular brown arms, exhausted from lovemaking, dizzy from Cilician’s honeyed words whispered feverishly into sweat-slicked curve of Nasir’s pretty little neck, while Cilician’s cock, still hardened, sheathed itself within Nasir’s tight passage, ready to take him yet again to heights unimaginable by simple men born East of the Rhine. Nasir said no. The lie detector test said…

Colosseum Audience: Collective inhalation of breath.

Nasir (rolling eyes at Agron): Take heed of result and stand ready with apologies!

Agron (weakly): Save indignation for result!

Maury: Nasir was telling the truth!

Colosseum Audience: Huge melodramatic gasp followed by thunderous applause.

Agron: Fuck the gods.

Nasir (gets up and stands in front of Agron, arms folded over chest)

Agron (sliding off his seat and onto his knees in front of Nasir): Nasir. Little Man? Baby?

Colosseum Audience: Disgusted booing.

Maury: Now, Agron, isn’t there something you want to say to Nasir?

Colosseum Audience: Encouraging comments mixed with smattering of applause.

Agron: Apologies, Nasir.

Colosseum Audience: Smattering of ‘aw’ sounds.

Credits begin to roll as Agron wraps his arms around Nasir’s waist, burying his face in Nasir’s belly.

Maury: And that’s today’s Maury. But Nasir and Agron, before we go, the Maury Show would like to to aid your rebellion... By giving you both one twenty-five dinarii gift certificate, good for any off-peak performance at the Colosseum!

Theme music plays as Nasir and Agron stare into each other’s eyes and silently agree to trade the gift certificate for ancient Roman lube.


End file.
